The 5 Love Languages

    After having my first child, almost 7 years ago, I remember there was a time when it felt like my husband & I weren’t close & communicating very well anymore.  Things had changed.  I was busy taking care of our new addition to the family, trying to recover from a c-section, & was very sleep deprived . . . like all new parents are, & he was trying to get used to it all & the fact that I wasn’t available all the time like I was before.  I knew I had to do something to get us back on track.  When our son was about 6-9 months old, I confided in a friend & she told me about a book by Dr. Chapman “The 5 Love Languages”.  It is an AMAZING book!  It has REALLY opened my husband & my eyes.  We both now know & understand how the other person feels loved. 

  Many people feel loved in different ways.  Dr. Chapman says everyone has a primary love language.  He identifies the 5 love languages as (1) words of affirmation, (2) quality time, (3) receiving gifts, (4) acts of service, & (5) physical touch.  Here is a brief summary to describe each language:

Words of Affirmation – If this is your love language, then compliments & words of positive affirmations mean the world to you.  May include receiving notes, cards, or phone calls where expressions of love, appreciation & encouragement are given. 

Quality Time – This person likes spending full undivided time together.  Nothing says “I love you” like really being there, with the TV off, fork & knife down, chores & other distraction put on hold.  This makes them feel special & loved.

Receiving Gifts – This is not to be confused as being “materialistic”.  The person with this love language, the receiver of the gift, feels the most loved from the thoughtfulness & effort behind the gift.  The gift or gesture shows that they were thought of & cared for.  These tangible gifts may be a flower, a note, a candy bar, a favorite soda pop drink or money to spend on whatever they want.

Acts of Service - If this is your love language then anything that eases the burden & responsibility from you is an act of service.  Such things as doing the dishes, vacuuming, making dinner, doing laundry, or other duties can all be expressions of love  The words this person likes to hear the most are, “Let me do that for you.”

Physical Touch – This language isn’t all about the bedroom.  A person with this love language is, not surprisingly, very touchy.  They like hugs, snuggling on the couch, a pat on the back, holding hands, a kiss, thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder or face are all ways to show love.

  What is your love language?  You can feel loved by more than just one way, so you may have a primary & secondary love language.  One way to determine your love language is by looking at what YOU do, the most, for the OTHER person.  Chances are that you’re doing what you would like the other to do for you.  Once your spouse & you know what each other’s love languages are, then it will be easier to communicate & show love to each other.  It may be hard to do some of these things, but that’s what marriage & relationships are all about.  Trying to make each other feel loved, needed, & wanted.  I’ve used this quote before, but I think it explains love perfectly:

“Love is not just a feeling.  Love is an action.  Love is a choice.  When an action doesn’t come naturally it is an even greater gift of love.” By Laura M. Brotherson

  I know that my relationship got a lot better when we started thinking about each others love languages & then actually doing more of the actions that the other person wanted & needed.  I hope this can help someone out there, because I know it helped me!