Things to Discuss Before Marriage

   

  Sometimes I think people jump into marriage thinking it's going to be easy & fun.  I mean how could it not be fun & easy, if you LOVE this person with ALL your heart & soul?  Well folks, I am here to tell ya' that marriage is a little work, just like any relationship.  There are good times & bad times; exciting times & boring times.  You just need to work through them. 
  Before I got married, I asked my Grandma, who had been married to the same man her whole life, what advice she could give me on how to have a happy marriage.  She simply said these things. . .

"Always have a sense of humor & laugh often. Be able to laugh together & at yourself.  Don't take everything so seriously.  Pick & choose your arguements, don't sweat the small stuff, & never give up." 

  She then  continued to tell me how she remembered when she was so mad at Grandpa one time, that while he was out working on the farm, she packed up the kids & some clothes, loaded the car, and sat there....she thought to herself, "My gad!  Where am I going to go?  I have wasted a whole afternoon on this.  I better unpack the car & get supper made."  And that was that!  Back then, you couldn't give up so easily.  You made a VOW to spend the rest of your lives together & that's what you were going to do!  For better or for worse!  I do know that times are different, BUT if we took the time to get to know someone before we said "I do", then maybe we would have less divorce in this world. 
  Therefore, I feel that there are some things that a couple should discuss before they commit to spending the rest of their lives together.  If you are already married, & never talked about these things before you got married, then now is a better time than never.  It’s not to0 late.  Talking builds your relationship & makes you closer.  Just remember that you are discussing these things with your BEST friend, so be respectful to their opinions & keep it fun.  Who knows, you might learn something newJ Here are just a few & please feel free to add more if I forgot some.  (These are in no particular order)
 
1)  Finances – Who’s going to run the finances?  What are your financial goals?  What are your plans in buying a home?  What are each of your financial debts?  Are both or one person going to be in charge of paying bills, running the check book, saving & budgeting?  I think, whomever is better at saving & budgeting should be the main person over the finances.  That doesn’t mean that the other one has no part in decision-making or has to ask for money.  That just means that they pay bills, shop & save together.  Whatever works best for you both, but be open to change.

2)  Sexuality -  Can you both talk about sex & feel comfortable?  Are you both comfortable in talking about your likes & dislikes?  Do you respect each other enough to not cross the other person’s  boundaries?  Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?  If one person is feeling frustrated or uncomfortable about something, then you need to discuss the issue sooner than later, without getting angry.  If you wait, then you are building up aggression.  Whether you want to believe it or not, sex is a HUGE part of a marriage.  If you are not intimate & don’t keep the spark there, then you might as well be roommates, & that’s not what you want. . . you want a partnership, a love, a MARRIAGE!!!

3)  Parenting – Do you want children?  If so, how many?  How do you plan on dealing with consequences/disciplining your children?  Do you believe in spankings, time outs only, grounding, or a little of everything?  Look at your partner’s family & see how they discipline their kids.  Ask how your partner was raised & what their childhood was like.  That is probably how they are going to raise their children.  Unless they break the cycle & are determined to make it better. . .not worse;)  If you believe in two totally different techniques, then it’s better to know about it now.  And if you are planning on not having any children, then do something about it.  Snip, snip!  LOL

4)  Spirituality – Does religion play an important part in your life?  Are your faith’s the same?  If not, can you get around it & compromise?  If not, then this will be a BIG issue for both of you.  How do you plan on teaching & practicing religion, when you have children? Are your morals & core values the same?  I feel that everyone should believe in something.  Whether it’s God or a higher being.  I feel it gives people a feeling of hope, love, gratitude, & that they’re not alone during times of need.

5)  Household Duties & Gender Roles – Is everything split 50/50?  Do you work together on everything, inside & outside?  What if one is out of work, does the one staying home pick up the other ones half?  I say, heck yes!!  If one person is not working, then their JOB is to take care of the home!  Cook, clean, laundry, errands, lawn, snow removal, etc.  BUT does that mean the other one can come home & sit around?  No!  Wouldn’t you help your BEST friend out so that you can spend time together?  It’s a partnership!!! 

6)  Goals – What do you, as a couple want out of life?  Where do you see each other in 30-40 years from now?  What are your personal goals & does the other person support them?  Goals can change.  Nothing is in concrete, but if the goals change?  Then both people need to be on board with the change.  Talk about growing together & not leaving the other behind.

 
  When it really comes down to it, the things you need to make sure you talk about, are the things that are the most important to you & your partner.  I'm sure there are more topics you can discuss, but these were just some that I thought were important.  
  My last thoughts are this; I think you should never change who you are, what you believe in, or what you stand for, for anyone!  Also, remember YOU CAN’T change anyone but YOU!!  So don’t try to or think you can later.  Love them for who they are!!