The Unspoken

  I decide to write this, because I know that there are a lot of other women, & men, out there that have had a miscarriage in their family, but no one ever talks about it.  That leaves the woman feeling inadequate, alone, sad & scared.  I wanted to shed some light on my personal experience so that maybe someone out there can have hope, love & forgiveness within themselves.  This is my story:


  I told my husband, Shay, that if we weren't pregnant by the end of August, then we'd wait until the following year to try again.  I did not want another newborn baby during the winter.  I already had 2 babies that had RSV (a really bad cold that affects babies & 1 of mine was hospitalized for it) & that was enough.  Within 2 weeks we were pregnant!  That was not normal for me.  I'm not a very fertile Myrtle.  We both were so excited!  This would be our 3rd child & the due date was May 28th, three days after my birthday.  PERFECT!!  It was all planned out.  We told everyone right before we left for the Elk hunt, which is the first part of October.  Everyone was so happy & excited for us. 
 
  Out of the city & headed to the mountains we went.  With the trailer in tow, two smiling kids & one VERY happy & excited husband.  We set up camp, mingled with our other camper/hunting friends & was enjoying the beauty of the great outdoors & the clean crisp air.  We had been there a few days now & having so much fun.  Me sipping on my green tea's & enjoying the peacefulness of it all.  Shay decided to take a ride up the road to see if he could see any Elk.  After he had been gone for awhile I decided to take my little Abigail for a short 4-wheeler ride.  We weren't that far from camp & I wasn't going that fast, when I started to feel some cramping in my lower abdomen.  I turned around & headed back to camp.  I went into the bathroom & there was blood. 
 
  Here I am, at Elk camp, with a bunch of manly men in camo & beards, my husband was gone, & I had Abigail with me.  Thank God there was another female friend, Carlene, there with her family.  I put Abby in the truck, walked over to Carlene, with tears in my eyes, & asked her to tell Shay I had to run down to the ER because I was bleeding.  With fear in her eyes & quickness in her tone, she told me to go lay down in the camp trailer while she went up the road to find Shay.  I heard her telling one of the other men to get Abby out of the truck & heard her take off on the 4-wheeler up the road.  Within minutes they were back.  I was laying on the bed, tears rolling down my face, when Shay came in & asked if I was ok.  I simply said, "I need to go to the ER.  I think I'm having a miscarriage."  He hugged me & told me everything was going to be ok, then put Abby in the truck, while I climbed in myself.  Our kind hunting buddies said they would watch our son, Callen, while we were gone.   
 
  We arrived at the hospital, settled into a room, then I was wheeled down to have an ultrasound done.  The ultrasound technician was very sweet as I lay there on the table, with tears still coming down my face.  I could see it in her eyes that she was desperately trying to find a heart beat.  She then typed in “NFHB”.  It didn’t take me long to figure out that meant “No Fetal Heartbeat”.  Now the tears were really flowing.  I got back to the room & Shay could see the news in my eyes.  The doctor & nurse came in & confirmed the bad news. 
 
  Maybe I shouldn’t have drank those green tea’s or had coffee.  Maybe I shouldn’t have taken Abby on that short 4-wheeler ride.  Maybe I should have lost some weight before I got pregnant.  Maybe. . .we’re not suppose to have any more kids.  All these things were going through my mind & I know that that doctor & nurse were suppose to be there for me.  As I asked why this had happened to me & what could I have done to prevent this, the doctor reassures me that there was nothing I could have done to prevent this.  He continued to tell me that God made our bodies perfectly & that my body knew that this baby wasn’t growing correctly, so it got rid of it on it’s own.  He then told me a personal story about his wife had 2 miscarriages & they have 3 children.  The nurse then continued to tell me that she had one after her second child & that it happens a lot more than people think.  People just don’t discuss it.  We gathered up our belongings & headed back up the canyon to camp.  It was a very long & quiet ride.  Me sobing quietly & Shay holding my hand. 

  The next day was Abby’s 1^st birthday.  We put on our happy faces, cute birthday hats, & opened some presents.  We  celebrated the birth of our first baby girl.  Later on, I drove up the canyon, to where I got cell phone service & made a few calls to break the bad news to my mom & a few close friends.  I asked them to spread the word, because I didn’t want to be asked how I was feeling or even talk about any of it.  This was 2 years ago next week.  I have talked about it a little with some of my closest friends & family, but this is the first I have truly spoken about it. 

  After I had my miscarriage I was so hurt & upset for quite a long time.  I thought I never wanted to get pregnant again because I didn’t know if I could ever go through this kind of pain again.  I felt like my husband blamed me & that I lost one of his children.  Which was totally wrong!  He never blamed me. . . .I blamed me!  I was always wondering what I could have done to prevent it, or what I did to cause it.  I knew in theory that it wasn’t my fault, but it didn’t help the pain.  After time & a lot of prayer, I started feeling better about things.  That's when I came to the conclusion that it's not our plan. . .it's God's plan!

My Weekly/Cleaning Schedule

  Did you ever have Saturday cleaning days, when you were younger, that took ALL day long?  I did & I remember working almost all day Saturday, then when you were done, you were so tired to even go play.  That's why I knew, as an adult, that I did NOT want Saturday cleaning days.  I never realized how GREAT schedules are, until I made one for me & my family.  I get more done & the kids seem to act a bit better when I use a schedule.  Do I stick to it ALL the time?  No, but I do try to make sure my cleaning gets done, so that I have the weekends off with my family.  I also have a few tricks to make cleaning a little easier.  Like these things:

* Most people get overwhelmed with the thought of cleaning their entire home at one time.  That is why I divide it into sections & clean an area a day, Monday thru Friday, so I can have the weekends free.

* Never leave a room without taking something with you.  Put it where it belongs, so you don't waste time later looking for it.

* Learn to multitask.  If you are heading in the direction of the laundry room, take some dirty clothes or towels with you.  Going to get the mail?  Take the garbage out.

* Clean up your dishes after every meal.  Instruct each family member to rinse & put away their own dishes.  This goes for cups, glasses, utensils & other dishes used throughout the day.

* Use a plastic grocery bag to scrub your tub.  Yes, you read it right.  A plastic grocery bag to clean your tub!!  Put your comet, or whatever tub cleaner you use, on the tub, get a white plastic grocery bag, turn it inside out so that the print is on the inside, place your hand in it, & start scrubbing.  It works better than a scrub brush or anything else I've ever used!  AMAZING!!

*When you get done washing your face every night, which I know you all are doing, use your washcloth to wipe down the toilet & floor area.  BUT make sure that cloth goes right into the laundry & use clorox to wash them;)  If you keep up on your toilet, then it's not such a huge, gross task when it comes time to clean.  

* Always keep your bathroom sink & counter area free from clutter, hair, make-up, toothpaste, or whatever else.  It takes just a few moments to rinse the sink & put stuff away before you leave the bathroom.


PLEASE let us all know your tricks on cleaning & schedules.  Thanks & happy scheduling:)



Weekly Schedule

(A More Real) Love Story

I had to share this with you all! This is GREAT!! It really makes you think about what is most important in your life. I think it's my relationship with my hubby! If we are happy then it makes a happier home life for the rest of the family. Hope you enjoy the video!

I Want Your Opinion. . .

Hi All!
  So, I want your opinion on a few things, & be honest.  Are you all craving for more of my intellectual knowledge on what I have learned throughout this life of mine?  I bet you all are, you just don't want to admit it!  LOL  No, but seriously, what is it that you all want me to talk about next?  More on marriages, cooking, parenting, communication, attitude, organization, household duties & chores?  Let me know & I'll start on it. 
  Also, due to the fact that I'm new at this, & don't want to bore people, I am curious on how often you all would like new posts.  I have a lot that I would like to share, & I really want to get some of your recipes, opinions & feedback on some of my topics.  So what do you think?  Should I post everyday?  Every other day?  Tuesday's & Thursday's?  Once a week?  You all are my audience, so I am here to please...to a certain point:)  Thanks & I look forward to your comments!

Things to Discuss Before Marriage

   

  Sometimes I think people jump into marriage thinking it's going to be easy & fun.  I mean how could it not be fun & easy, if you LOVE this person with ALL your heart & soul?  Well folks, I am here to tell ya' that marriage is a little work, just like any relationship.  There are good times & bad times; exciting times & boring times.  You just need to work through them. 
  Before I got married, I asked my Grandma, who had been married to the same man her whole life, what advice she could give me on how to have a happy marriage.  She simply said these things. . .

"Always have a sense of humor & laugh often. Be able to laugh together & at yourself.  Don't take everything so seriously.  Pick & choose your arguements, don't sweat the small stuff, & never give up." 

  She then  continued to tell me how she remembered when she was so mad at Grandpa one time, that while he was out working on the farm, she packed up the kids & some clothes, loaded the car, and sat there....she thought to herself, "My gad!  Where am I going to go?  I have wasted a whole afternoon on this.  I better unpack the car & get supper made."  And that was that!  Back then, you couldn't give up so easily.  You made a VOW to spend the rest of your lives together & that's what you were going to do!  For better or for worse!  I do know that times are different, BUT if we took the time to get to know someone before we said "I do", then maybe we would have less divorce in this world. 
  Therefore, I feel that there are some things that a couple should discuss before they commit to spending the rest of their lives together.  If you are already married, & never talked about these things before you got married, then now is a better time than never.  It’s not to0 late.  Talking builds your relationship & makes you closer.  Just remember that you are discussing these things with your BEST friend, so be respectful to their opinions & keep it fun.  Who knows, you might learn something newJ Here are just a few & please feel free to add more if I forgot some.  (These are in no particular order)
 
1)  Finances – Who’s going to run the finances?  What are your financial goals?  What are your plans in buying a home?  What are each of your financial debts?  Are both or one person going to be in charge of paying bills, running the check book, saving & budgeting?  I think, whomever is better at saving & budgeting should be the main person over the finances.  That doesn’t mean that the other one has no part in decision-making or has to ask for money.  That just means that they pay bills, shop & save together.  Whatever works best for you both, but be open to change.

2)  Sexuality -  Can you both talk about sex & feel comfortable?  Are you both comfortable in talking about your likes & dislikes?  Do you respect each other enough to not cross the other person’s  boundaries?  Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?  If one person is feeling frustrated or uncomfortable about something, then you need to discuss the issue sooner than later, without getting angry.  If you wait, then you are building up aggression.  Whether you want to believe it or not, sex is a HUGE part of a marriage.  If you are not intimate & don’t keep the spark there, then you might as well be roommates, & that’s not what you want. . . you want a partnership, a love, a MARRIAGE!!!

3)  Parenting – Do you want children?  If so, how many?  How do you plan on dealing with consequences/disciplining your children?  Do you believe in spankings, time outs only, grounding, or a little of everything?  Look at your partner’s family & see how they discipline their kids.  Ask how your partner was raised & what their childhood was like.  That is probably how they are going to raise their children.  Unless they break the cycle & are determined to make it better. . .not worse;)  If you believe in two totally different techniques, then it’s better to know about it now.  And if you are planning on not having any children, then do something about it.  Snip, snip!  LOL

4)  Spirituality – Does religion play an important part in your life?  Are your faith’s the same?  If not, can you get around it & compromise?  If not, then this will be a BIG issue for both of you.  How do you plan on teaching & practicing religion, when you have children? Are your morals & core values the same?  I feel that everyone should believe in something.  Whether it’s God or a higher being.  I feel it gives people a feeling of hope, love, gratitude, & that they’re not alone during times of need.

5)  Household Duties & Gender Roles – Is everything split 50/50?  Do you work together on everything, inside & outside?  What if one is out of work, does the one staying home pick up the other ones half?  I say, heck yes!!  If one person is not working, then their JOB is to take care of the home!  Cook, clean, laundry, errands, lawn, snow removal, etc.  BUT does that mean the other one can come home & sit around?  No!  Wouldn’t you help your BEST friend out so that you can spend time together?  It’s a partnership!!! 

6)  Goals – What do you, as a couple want out of life?  Where do you see each other in 30-40 years from now?  What are your personal goals & does the other person support them?  Goals can change.  Nothing is in concrete, but if the goals change?  Then both people need to be on board with the change.  Talk about growing together & not leaving the other behind.

 
  When it really comes down to it, the things you need to make sure you talk about, are the things that are the most important to you & your partner.  I'm sure there are more topics you can discuss, but these were just some that I thought were important.  
  My last thoughts are this; I think you should never change who you are, what you believe in, or what you stand for, for anyone!  Also, remember YOU CAN’T change anyone but YOU!!  So don’t try to or think you can later.  Love them for who they are!!

Monthly Meal Planner with Recipes

  It's here!!!!  WAHOO!!!  I'm so excited to share my Monthly Meal Schedule with you all!!  I made up this meal planner about 3 years ago & have been using it ever since.  It has helped me SOOOOO much when it comes to grocery shopping, planning & helping me not stress out about what to cook for dinner!  So, what I do is print the schedule on one side of bright colored card stock, then print the recipes on the other side, then put it on my fridge!  And Presto.....you're an organized guru for meal planning!  LOL  
  I have seen a TON of great meal planner's on the internet, & they all have wonderful recipes, BUT they are all on the internet.  I don't want to have to go to the computer or look up my recipes everytime I want to cook....ok, not everytime, but for the recipes I don't have memorized.  So, that's where I got the idea of putting the recipes on the back.  Now knowing the history of "Andrea's Monthly Meal Planner", you'll all be able to sleep better tonight.  LOL
  Also, I have different Meal Planner's for each season, because I don't like using the oven that much in the Summer & I don't like BBQ'in in the snow!  I know, I'm crazy:)  I'll share those different planner's when the season's approach.  PLEASE feel free to change whatever you'd like to better fit the tastes of you & your family.  And, if you have a great recipe that you've added, then please share it with all of us.  Most of these recipes are pretty easy due to the fact that we're all busy.  I try to save the most time consuming,or new, recipes for the weekends.  Anyway's, I hope you all enjoy & please let me know what you think.  I would love your feed back!! 
Happy, stress free cooking!!!

Monthly Meal Planner- PDF

Monthly Meal Planner - Word

I'm just an ordinary girl trying to help people out...

I'm so excited in trying to get this started!  I feel that I have so much to share but don't know where to start. So here it goes. I think the most important thing to work on to make a home a better place & make it for the long haul, is the relationship with your spouse!  If the parents aren't happy, then nobody is happy!!  So here are a few things to think about:  Do you talk to your spouse like they are your BESTEST friend?  Think about who your best friend is....your sibling, parent, friend from school, or a neighbor?  Who ever it might be, makes no difference, except how you talk to them!  If your best friend disagreed with you on something, would you roll your eyes at them & tell them they are wrong & your point is right & that is that?  NO!  You would probably, listen with open ears, then talk respectively to come to a conclusion.  Then think about what they said.  That is my whole purpose of this Blog, is to help other's have better communication with their spouse & help make household chores/activities/duties, whatever you want to call it, easier!!  So this is my 1st post & I will work on trying to get subtitles, etc.  Please feel free on what it is that you would like to dicuss, ask questions on, or just vent....I am open ears....BUT my opinion is my opinion after MANY years of witnessing bad relationships....no offence made to any particular person:)